How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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