well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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