He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
