meet me or not, i'm out of control
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
