he told me I talked like a deaf person
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
