This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
