hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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