I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your penis caused this!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
