I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
where are my pants?
in the oven.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
