i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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