why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
