so explain again why im purple
no
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
