she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
