I love black thongs
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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