pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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