I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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