is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
