i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
