I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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