That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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