Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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