You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
