Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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