literally had 100 drinks last night.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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