So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize