New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
