saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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