Why are handjobs necessary in class?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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