Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
