Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I could fuck to npr.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize