He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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