Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I want her autograph on my taint
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
