Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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