My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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