Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I love you. Go after that dick
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
