i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
