Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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