I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
