Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
