honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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