Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
