I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
