We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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