if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
