I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
