For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
