My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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