He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
