how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
