Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize