i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
