I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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