final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
