in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
