Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
