Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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