I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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