I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
