brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
