I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
