you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
