she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
