So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Come share oat with me in your robe
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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