So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think I sprained my soul last night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
