Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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