Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
