the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
