She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize