Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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