Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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