He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
