i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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